Hey, who died?

I didn’t think I’d be bothered about the man that died, but I was, I was actually quite upset about it. That’s quite strange considering the fact that I own none of his albums and stopped listening to him at about the age of seven.

But he was so memorable and had much more of an impact on me than the dead tiara lady had; I didn’t really understand the fuss about that, all she did was…

I don’t usually react badly to a celebrity’s death, but Michael brought happiness and great music to so many…when he wasn’t bringing traumatic memories…if he did do that.

I’m so sad.

Some great articles on Jacko

I Hate the Internet

I gave up on TV quite a while ago, since the good programmes such as Peep Show, Time Trumpet and South Park either came to an end, or ended up on Sky TV, leaving me with Eastenders; TV Burp has very short series and Family Guy only comes on at about 5 in the morning.

Since then, I tried to find solace in YouTube, but all the channels that had good videos just don’t anymore, YouTube has been reduced to phone camera videos and  angry US southerners.

Weebl and Bob, possibly the greatest cartoon characters that no one can understand now advertise cream eggs. All the time. Maddox now updates his site annually, I sometimes check his YouTube page to check he hasn’t died.

So until the rain subsides I’m a bit stuck for things to do; fortunately, it’s nearly summer and I’ll soon be in Cornwall trying out truffles that make you fly and watching bands that few people have heard, sweet.

I’ll leave you with this: Hayseed Dixie – AC/DC bluegrass band are coming to Plymouth; you must see them. Do it.

How to Dance the Nev

Then I will dance the Nev; I will dance the Nev at my wedding, at the births of my children, I will dance the Nev until people look at me as if to say: Is he alright? - poniesinashed

Only last night I invented a new dance, which I called the Nev; it’s not great but I will show you how to do it.

The dance only involves leg movement and it looks like a mixture of the walk done by one of the men in Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks sketch, Riverdance and having multiple spasms.

It’s quite simple; just shake your legs all the time, keeping your feet on the floor, bend your knees a lot too.

That’s it.

Whites are Evil

I recently read an article by human rights activist Peter Tatchell. He states that our constitutional system is racist because no non-white person will ever become the head of state (or in his words “no black or Asian person” because Hispanic, Arabic and Native American people* don’t exist, do they Peter?)

This is, of course, ridiculous because the monarchy has nothing to do with race; any member of the royal family can marry whomever they like, even queens.

“One day, in generations and centuries to come, descendants of the Windsors might marry a non-white person and their first-born could become head of state. Might, could. No guarantee at all. In any case, why should we have to wait generations?”

Well, is it really that bad, Peter? Are non-white people extra special? You seem to think that race is important, that a person’s ethnicity is as important as their intelligence or integrity.

I’d like to add that I’m not a royalist, but I’m very glad that the queen has the real power and not Brown. If Brown makes us use ID cards, hopefully her majesty will step in.

Number 00000001, you are to be imprisoned at once!

I'll make him eat Peter Tachell too...

*I am aware that there are other races and mixes thereof, so don’t call me racist.

Images courtesy of: http://iranpoliticsclub.net, spamdaily.blogspot.com and http://thestoryandthetruth.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/gordon-brown-404_667800c.jpg

My Guide to Alton

I go on a trip to Alton once every summer, Alton is a small town in Hampshire and is in fact, nowhere near Alton Towers. Its town centre has shops on only one street and it is so horribly boring, that I’ve had to read for recreation (I do like reading, but I really need more stimuli than that.)  There is only one “club” in the town centre, but apparently there’s a strip club in Four Marks, which is just outside Alton. If you want to shop, you won’t exactly be spoilt for choice on places to go, and without an HMV etc, the only place to buy CDs or DVDs is the small Woolworths shop…oh wait.

The reason I keep going to Alton is because I go on holiday with a group and they always decide to go there; fortunately, we spend a lot of time in Woking, Basingstoke and London, using a place in Alton to stay the night.

It’s not exactly a quiet town, but nothing really happens there, so you have busy roads and it’s probably because Alton is in between several large cities.

In other words, Alton is a shithole, and my friends who live in Alton will surely hate me after reading this, I hope not, move to Plymouth!

So here is my guide for those of you who run out of petrol on your way to Basingstoke.

1. There’s a very nice Thai restaurant called the River Kwai.

What’s happened to Bond?!

Bond: I’ve got a little itch…down there…would you mind?

(Bond gets hit in testicles)

Bond: (Laughing hysterically) Yes! Yes! Now the whole world’s gonna know you died scratching my balls!

This is not a James Bond film, this is a British Michael Bay film, filled with plot-holes and mindless explosions. Judi Dench is not the first M as she replaces Robert Brown in Goldeneye

“I hear the new M is a woman.” – Valentin Zukovsky in Goldeneye

Bond is no longer suave, witty or stylish, he’s angry, rampant and even immature; as well as brooding and complicated. There’s also his appearance, with the muscles on Daniel Craig I can only guess who might become the next bond:

Bond, James Bond, bitches

Anyway, as crazy as this sounds, I’m hoping that everyone who cares will write to EON Productions and tell them not to make ‘Bond 23′, (expected to be released in 2011) and make the films the way they used to.

Read Maddox’s article on Quantum of Solace.

If you’re in Plymouth this Saturday…

My band now has a gig! We will be supporting Justin Credible and the Droogs at The Firkin Doghouse, Union Street this Saturday.

Heath Ledger

I didn’t write everything I wanted to put into the last post; I meant to write about people like Heath Ledger, who died not long before I wrote it, but I ranted about Alison Lapper instead.

 

There was an article in the Daily Mail about Alex Stobbs, who I mentioned in my last post. It says that he “shames” people like Heath, because Alex has severe cystic fibrosis, which causes respiratory problems as well as other problems; Heath was self-pitying and overdosed on prescription drugs when Alex is brave because he makes the most of his life and his talent.

 

I have congenital muscular dystrophy and although that isn’t as life-threatening as CF, life isn’t as easy for me as it might be for able-bodied people. I’m told that I’m brave because I make the most out of my life, but I’ve spent most of my life like this, just as Alex has spent most, if not all of his life with the problems he has.

 

As I said before, people with disabilities (at least it seems to me) cope better with problems; Heath lived a normal life before he was famous, and it was a lot to handle.

I’m more talented than Lapper

I’ve been told that I’m brave because I live my life despite being disabled. As you would expect, I find that very patronising; my life has been and still is very good.

Alison Lapper, who was born without arms and with shortened legs, is an artist, and now this man has had a statue of himself built and is being called a hero because (s)he got pregnant.

I could beat Alison in a fight,  I would have the upper hand because I am taller than her, even when sat in my chair.

I believe that people who have disabilities tend to have a strong will and can cope better with personal problems. 17-year-old Alex Stobbs who is a remarkably talented pianist and chorister has cystic fibrosis and has toured the US and Australia and performed for the Queen…He should have had a statue.

I hope Alex has much success (though he is very successful already,)  and I hope Alison does too (though (s)he is also very successful already,) but Alison, please stop selling your nude photos for hundreds of pounds!

Hello There

Hello there,

My name is Chris Powell and I was supposed to write a blog for college some time ago, but I couldn’t think of a subject.  So, I decided to write about a video game called Bioshock.

 Bioshock is a brilliant game; it is set in the 1960s and takes place in an underwater city called Rapture.  Rapture is an independant state and has no laws against unethical scientific experiments.   Many humans have been turned into monsters through genetic alterations and you must try to escape to the surface.

The game is actually rather frightening at times; people with rabbit’s heads come out of shadows screaming at you, lights going out as you approach them etc.

I hope to write a deeper blog another time; I like the idea of Rapture though (evil experiments aside.)